Heart reflections from one frazzled Mama

I can't help but ask myself, what have I gotten myself into? And there's absolutely no going back. I just am not sure I have what it takes, day in and day out. Yes, I'm talking about being a Mommy.
I keep trying to tell myself that someday they'll be older and more reasonable (i.e. not doing a headstand in front of Target while crying hysterically because I asked her to hold my hand while we crossed the parking lot.) I try to give myself the benefit of the doubt (I mean, a strong willed 2 year old and a teething infant, come on.) I try to encourage myself that everyone's been there and they just are forgetting how hard it was, we always tend to only remember the good after all. I hear people saying, "Oh but they're only this little once!" and I'm thinking, "Heck yes! And empty nest doesn't sound too bad either!"
I love my girls with my whole heart that there's not room left for much else, I promise you that. Like when Caelen thanked me tonight before she fell asleep for cleaning her room (I did it while she bathed and didn't know she even noticed!) or when Addison is fussing and I come over and she stops and gives me the biggest grin and wiggle ever! There's nothing to top those moments because you can almost physically feel your heart being wrung out. No one can make you feel what your kids can.
But when the house wakes up at 5:30am to Caelen screaming bloody murder because her diaper has leaked and she needs to be changed completely and put back to bed, and I return to bed to find Addison wide awake and ready to party, and when she finally does fall back asleep at 7:30 that's the moment Caelen waltzes out of her room for the day; it's those days, right around 3:00pm when now everyone is melting and Thomas isn't home yet and I'm screaming "Don't take your own diaper off!!" for the millionth time that I think, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I think, there's not a breath of energy left in me to go one more hour let alone 18 more years. It's a game of survival until 7:30pm when hopefully everyone is asleep (and if they're not, oh boy!) and then I can mentally and physically relax, listen to the sound of no one saying, "Mommy! Mommy mommy!!" and eat an Oreo without sharing it. I can turn on the TV without it being Little Einsteins, drink a glass of wine (not "juice") and form a complete thought in my head. I live for those evenings, for showers, computer time, or just sitting.
But you know what, at the end of that evening when the house is shut down and I'm about to crawl into bed, every night we go in and look at those girls sleeping, rearrange the covers and move hair out their faces, and I take in the sight of a motionless Caelen, or a sleeping-but-sucking-on-an-invisible-pacifier Addison and I think, "Lord, I love these girls You've given me, thank You for them and thank You for another day to be their Mommy." And I really mean it, and that's when I know what I've gotten myself into and that I really wouldn't rather be doing anything else.